Sent to me by Wanda and Frances, ladies, you know you are telling the truth...
A
Visitor's Guide To Knoxville
1.
You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is NOX-VULL.
2.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Knoxville has its own
version of traffic rules....the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a
4-way stop. The truck with the
biggest tires goes after that.
3.
All directions start with, "Go down to Kingston Pike"... which is the
Alpha and Omega. The beginning and
the end.
4.
The Chamber of Commerce says parking after dark in the Old City should
be "pretty safe".
5.
The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is
from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
out and possibly shot.
7.
Gallaher Road can only be correctly pronounced by a native.
8.
Construction on I-40 / 75 is a permanent fixture of Knoxville life. The
barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days
driving a bit more exciting.
9.
Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels,
cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, old police cars,
truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits and crows feeding on any of these
items.
10
. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder
immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".
11.
All old ladies with blue hair in a pickup truck have the right of way.
12.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Pellisippi Parkway is 85. Anything
less is considered downright sissy. This
is an East Tennessean's version
of a NASCAR track.
13.
Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
14.
Never stare at the driver of a car with their name stickered on the window.
15.
If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone ... you are
considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16.
Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
17.
If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18.
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Dogwood Arts Festival is
going on.
19.Any
amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently
located as far away from
EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow
for ample parking on grassy areas.
20.
It is better to stay off the roads on Saturdays in the fall, as 3 out
of 4 drivers have had way too much to drink at the ballgame.
21.
There is nothing up in the Sunsphere. Don't
try to go up there. I'm
telling you there is nothing there that would interest you.
22.
It is a good and honorable thing to work on a mobile home sales lot.
23.
Yeah the mountains are pretty, but how 'bout them Outlet Malls!
24.
Don't ask anyone about Oak Ridge. We
know. They know we know. We know
they know we know. We just aren't
supposed to say anything about it.
25.
Do not slow down on I 640. If you
are drinking a beer, throw the bottle
at the empty police car as you pass.
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