What
My Mother Taught Me
My
mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
If
you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning."
My
mother taught me RELIGION
"You
better pray that comes out of the carpet".
My
mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
"IF
you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week".
My
mother taught me LOGIC
"Because
I said so, that's why".
My
mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make
sure that you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident".
My
mother taught me IRONY
"Stop
crying or I'll give you something to cry about".
My
mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut
your mouth and eat your dinner".
My
mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
"Will
you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!".
My
mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll
sit there until all ! that spinach is gone".
My
mother taught me about WEATHER
"It
looks as if a tornado went through you room".
My
mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If
I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
My
mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If
I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"
My
mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I
brought you into this world and I can take you out".
My
mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop
acting like your father".
My
mother taught me about ENVY
"There
are millions of less fortunate children in the world that don't have
wonderful parents like you".
Just
kidding, I love you, Mom
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