Muse 52

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What My Mother Taught Me

 

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning."

 

My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that comes out of the carpet".

 

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

"IF you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week".

 

My mother taught me LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why".

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure that you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident".

 

My mother taught me IRONY

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about".

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner".

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!".

 

My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all ! that spinach is gone".

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER

"It looks as if a tornado went through you room".

 

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"

 

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out".

 

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father".

 

My mother taught me about ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in the world that don't have wonderful parents like you".

 

 

Just kidding, I love you, Mom

 

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