From
John Fish
Actual
dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee
(now
I know why they record these conversations)!
"Ridge
Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes,
well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What
sort of trouble?"
"Well,
I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went
away?"
"They
disappeared."
"Hmm.
So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's
blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are
you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How
do I tell?"
"Can
you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's
a sea-prompt?"
"Never
mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There
isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything
type."
"Does
your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's
a monitor?"
"It's
the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have
a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I
don't know."
"Well,
then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes,
I think so."
"Great.
Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"Yes,
it is."
"When
you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well,
there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
"Okay,
here it is."
"Follow
it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
"I
can't reach."
"Uh
huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even
if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh,
it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes,
the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well,
turn on the office light then."
"I
can't."
"No?
Why not?"
"Because
there's a power failure."
"A
power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came
in?"
"Well,
yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good.
Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
"Really?
Is it that bad?"
"Yes,
I'm afraid it is."
"Well,
all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell
them you're too f**king stupid to own a computer."
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