Muse 44

Muse 44

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EBPN

Now, this post came from an interesting day in e-mail, where I received mail from two of my favorite friends, Kimani and Wanda, both talking about the same topic -- Barbie. I LOVE Barbie. We are the same age. And girlfriend has done almost everything. Been an astronaut. Been the queen of England. Been in the Army. Barbie has transcended race, transforming herself into every color in our human spectrum. From cheerleader to judge (with gavel and briefcase), Barbie is something else. Now Ken...,

But I digress.

I put these two posts together because though they are opposite sides of the Barbie spectrum, they certainly do show that there is a Barbie fantasy for anything that you have ever wanted to be. No disrespect intended to Barbie in all of her incarnations. Actually, she should be flattered that people think about her enough to come up with some of these.

From my friend Warrior Wanda...

Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully; these are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy

tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie It's time to ditch Ken Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

And, the following photo set is from my friend Kimani. From a younger perspective, he lets me know that men are watching Barbie too... His offerings are in pictorial format, reinforcing the concept that "a picture is worth a thousand words." Still, I have to wonder if I would be seeing any of this if it weren't for Jerry Springer... Warning, below a little raunchy...