Muse 39

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Sent by my wonderful friend Wanda, and just goes to show you, we do have a good bit of Southern appreciation.



 Hello, is this the FBI?"
 "Yes. What do you want?"
 "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding  marijuana inside his firewood."
 "Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the
 shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of
 wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left..

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
 "Yeah!"   "Did they chop your firewood?"  "Yep."

"Merry Christmas Buddy"  


  1900 Census Subscription Offer

And on another note, this one was sent to me by Kimani.  Wonder how much the doctor got paid...

   A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. 

      He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,  combined with horrible stress.  If you don't do the following, your husband's disorder will surely be terminal:

      Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. 

      Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.

      For lunch, make him a nutritious meal he can take to work.

      And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him.

      Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.

      Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.

      Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.      

      Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.

      And, most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

      If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think

      your husband will regain his strength and health."


      On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

           "You're gonna die," she replied.

And finally, Wanda brings it on home...

 Gasoline Shortage !!!


 A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog

 for a walk around the block?"


 Mom replied, "No, because she is in heat."


 "What's that mean?" asked the child.  "Go ask your

 father.  I think he's in the garage."


 The little girl went to the garage and said, "Dad, may I

 take Belle for a walk around the block?  I asked Mom,

 but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."


 Dad said, "Bring the Belle over here."  He took a rag,

 soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside

 with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle

 on the leash and only go one time around the block."


 The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later

 with no dog on the leash.  Surprised, her Dad

 asked, "Where's Belle?".


 The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway

 around the block, so another dog is pushing her home."


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