Another amusing post sent in a Twisted Humor Newsletter. All of us "business folks" should get a kick out of this one.
EBPN
"What's Your Business Sign?"
Instead
of Astrological Signs, how about these ... What's Your Business
1)
MARKETING
You
are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study
in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty
much what your job responsibilities are now.
Least compatible with Sales.
2)
SALES
Laziest
of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You
are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to
take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can
"concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf
game throughout your life.
3)
TECHNOLOGY
Unable
to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely
control everything that happens at your workplace.
Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can
tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4)
ENGINEERING
One
of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers
place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your
office is full of all the latest “ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all
know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5)
ACCOUNTING
The
only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office
politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your
extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that
you are completely insane.
6)
HUMAN RESOURCES
Ironically,
given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip
within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than
marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a
haircut, have lunch AND then mail
7)
MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
Catty,
cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current
job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to
measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best
suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social
circle is a "Middle Manager."
8)
SENIOR MANAGEMENT
(See
above - Same sign, different title)
9)
CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bright,
cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As
children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room
and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service."
Continually passed over for promotions, your best
bet
is to sleep with your manager.
10)
CONSULTANT
Lacking
any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of
experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in
demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in
a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities
without ever taking direct action.
11)
RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER"
As
a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who
actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to
alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with
fluctuations in the stock market.
12)
PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO
You
are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the
fax machine suggests the latter.
13)
GOVERNMENT WORKER
Paid
to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of
new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually
commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL"
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